Updated: March 9, 2010
Misdemeanor Criminal Procedure
Columns Written by Prosecutor Bahrman
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Information
for Victims and Friends of Victims of Domestic Violence
If you are being physically or emotionally abused, call the police, the
Harbor House Domestic Violence Shelter or The Women’s Center: (Alger
County: 1-800-455-6611 or 906-387-4554; Marquette County 906-226-6611).
If you know someone who is being abused or battered, please encourage
them to contact the Harbor House or Women’s Center. No one deserves
to be the victim of domestic violence or abuse.
The cycle of family violence and abuse does not end by itself. You can
help break the cycle of violence by speaking out against it and sharing
this information with your family and friends.
Five types of information are provided here below:
1. Domestic Violence Basics
2. Children and Domestic
Violence
3. Characteristics
of victims and their abusers
4. How to leave an
abusive relationship
5.
How to protect yourself as best as you can when you are still in an abusive
relationship
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
BASICS
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a term used to describe many types of abuse that
can happen within intimate relationships, such as marital or dating relationships,
having children in common, or living within the same household. Domestic
violence happens when one partner chooses to exercise power and control
over the other in the relationship using abuse and violence.
As recorded by the National Center for Disease Control (CDC), nearly 5.3
million women are victimized annually in the United States by intimate
partners. Two million of those assaulted are injured to the point of needing
medical or police attention as a result of the domestic violence. Each
year, approximately 1,300 women are killed as a result of domestic violence.
Domestic violence covers a wide range of behaviors. Some of these behaviors
may be charged within a criminal court. Domestic violence may begin with
verbal abuse, a shove, a slap or a tendency to exercise possessive or
controlling behaviors.
An abuser may or may not use alcohol or drugs. A common misconception
is that being under the influence of substances will cause a normally
non-abusive person to become violent with their partner. Although abusers
may have a strong tendency to be addicted to substances, alcohol or drug
abuse does not cause domestic violence. Being controlling, abusive or
violent is a learned behavior that the abuser chooses to use against their
partner.
There are typically three categories used in defining abuse:
• Physical Abuse – includes hitting, shoving, being grabbed
by the neck, using a weapon, restraining, pulling hair, etc.
• Emotional Abuse – includes threats, intimidation, name-calling,
isolation, etc.
• Sexual Abuse – includes forced, coerced, or humiliating
sex acts, physically attacking sexual parts of the body, or treating you
like a sex object.
All forms of domestic violence are inappropriate, potentially dangerous,
and should be taken seriously, even though they may not necessarily meet
the legal definition of criminal. Seemingly minor or non-physical abuse
being accepted over time, can lead to more violent abuse.
Research suggests that domestic violence tends to escalate when the victim
leaves or attempts to leave the relationship. However, staying in an abusive
relationship is not an effective safety measure because it is also supported
by research that domestic violence tends to escalate in both frequency
and severity over time.
Repeated physically abusive incidents may establish a pattern of abuse,
which could eventually result in permanent injury or even death.
YOU MAY BE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IF YOU ARE:
• Frightened by your partner’s behavior
• Afraid to disagree with your partner
• Being verbally degraded by your partner
• Discouraged to see your friends or family due to his jealousy
• Afraid to divorce or break up with him because of threats he has
made.
If he kicks, shoves, grabs, throws things at you, or forces you to participate
in sexual activities, GET HELP!
An abuser is the only one that can change their behavior and stop the
abuse. Their partner (victim) can not “love them” out of it,
or make things “right enough” to prevent the abuse. They can
only protect themselves. The best way to do this is by creating physical
distance between themselves and the abuser while continuing safety measures
to maintain this distance after leaving.
CHILDREN AND
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Children are often overlooked in the statistics and discussions of domestic
violence. Whether directly or indirectly, children are affected by domestic
violence. They may not witness the actual episode, but they can see the
bruises and broken furniture and hear the screams. Children who witness
domestic violence are more likely to exhibit behavioral and physical health
problems including anxiety, depression and violence towards peers.
Effects of the batterer’s abuse show up in children in a variety
of physical and psychological symptoms such as emotional neediness, withdrawal,
aggressive acting out, eating or sleeping problems, school difficulties,
caretaking for the mother and other siblings, and various other physical
symptoms. Symptoms vary from child to child and depend on the child’s
developmental stage in life.
Children Who Witness Domestic Violence:
• Exhibit more anxiety, aggression, depression, temperamental problems,
fearfulness, antisocial, and inhibited behaviors.
• Have lower social competence.
• Demonstrate less empathy and self-esteem.
• Have lower verbal, cognitive, and motor abilities.
Women face many dangers and great odds to protect their children from
the batterer. Battered women work at being good mothers in spite of their
own fears, depression, and injuries. It is often for the sake of their
children that women leave their abusers.
You Should Talk to Your Children About Domestic Violence:
• To tell them it isn’t their fault
• To talk about their feelings of guilt, fear and sadness
• To understand their reaction
• To teach them how to work out problems
• To review safety plans
• To allow them to grieve losses of parent, neighborhood, school
or friends
• To strengthen their sense of self and rebuild their lives
What If He Abuses The Children?
If your partner is abusing the children, you may need to leave in order
to protect them. As a parent, you have a legal responsibility to protect
your children from known harm. You can be charged with “failure
to protect” if you know about the abuse, but don’t remove
your children from the risk. This can be extremely difficult when you
are living with a violent partner, but protecting your children is not
only a moral responsibility, it is a legal responsibility as a parent.
BEHAVIORAL
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP
Common Characteristics of Batterers:
1. Jealousy; Accuses you of looking at other men, seems angry if you say
hello to a man. An abuser will say that jealousy is a sign of love. This
is not true. Jealousy is a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust.
2. Controlling behavior; Quick to anger. Wants to know your whereabouts
at all times. Angry if you are late.
3. Quick involvement; Comes on like a whirlwind, "I’ve never
felt loved like this by anyone!"
4. Isolation; Abuser may cut you off from friends, family and resources.
5. Blames others for feelings; "You make me mad. I can’t help
being angry." "I wouldn’t have gotten so angry if you
hadn’t been late, rude, drunk, etc."
6. Cruelty to children or animals
7. Hostility when drinking; a sign of alcoholism and potential batterers.
8. Breaking or striking objects when angry; Leads to personal violence.
9. Threats of violence.
10. Use of force during argument.
11. Rigid sex roles; Expect women to serve them.
Characteristics of victims:
1. Blames self for violence of batterer; "I deserved it because I…",
"If I wouldn't have been late, he wouldn't have been so mad."
2. Dependent on batterer; may equate his controlling behavior with taken
care of by their spouse/partner.
3. Poor self image.
4. Hopes the abuse will stop. Thinks if she could just get it right he
would change. Expects batterer to change; this is very unlikely and is
beyond the control of the victim regardless of how much the victim tries
to please their partner.
5. Feels guilty and second guesses her decisions. Sometimes returns to
batterer after assaults, with or without the promise of it not happening
again.
6. Try to make sense of everything and finds justification for the abuse.
Makes excuses for batterer; "He didn’t mean it. He was just
drunk." Or, "He's just been under a lot of stress lately."
7. May defend the batterer, sometimes even during intervention intended
to protect the victim. May equate defending his actions and behavior with
her safety and the safety of her children.
When you decide you've had enough, HELP IS AVAILABLE.
HOW
TO LEAVE AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
The Harbor House provides shelter to persons who are victims of domestic
violence:
24 hours a day/7days a week
Advocacy/Supportive Counseling Crisis Line
Housing Assistance Financial Assistance
Transportation Assistance Child Care Services
Call from Alger County: 1-800-455-6611 or 906-387-4554
Call from Marquette County 906-226-6611
SAFETY PLANNING IF YOU CHOOSE TO LEAVE
1. Practice how to get away safely.
2. Pick extra clothes, keys, money and important papers (birth certificates,
social security cards, identifications)
3. Leave items w/someone you trust.
4. Open a savings account without the knowledge of the abuser. This will
increase your independence after leaving the relationship.
5. Take a fair share of all joint savings and checking accounts as soon
as you leave and put the money in accounts under your own name.
6. Inform your boss and co-workers of the situation.
7. Have your co-workers screen your calls at work.
8. When leaving work, walk to your car with a co-worker.
9. Take a different route home each night.
10. Use different stores for shopping.
11. Never go to a bar where the abuser may be drinking. This is very dangerous.
12. Change locks.
13. Inform neighbors of your situation and ask them to watch your house.
14. Teach your children how to use the phone to call 911.
15. Explain to friends, relatives and co-workers that they are never to
give out your location to anyone. Abusers will often use a ruse with other
to trick them into giving out information.
Whether you decide to stay or leave an abusive relationship, obtaining
a Personal Protection Order (PPO)
can be a protective measure providing you with a safe avenue to leave
and the distance you need from your abuser so that you can work on rebuilding
your life. Please refer to the links at the beginning of this web page
for more information on PPO’s and the domestic relationship PPO
form you’ll need to file with the circuit court to request this
order. The Harbor House can also provide you with PPO forms and assist
you with completing and filing the PPO petition with the court.
ASSISTING WITH SAFETY, IF YOU CHOOSE TO STAY
1. Teach escape strategies to your children.
2. Use a code word with your children, family or friends so they can call
for help. Example: tell your relatives that if you phone them and say
"red fox run", they are to call 911 for you and send help.
3. If you expect a quarrel, move to a space with lowest risk. Make sure
there is a door at your back for escape and that you consider the arms-length
reach of your partner. Do not go to bathrooms and kitchens where there
is no exit or possible weapons your partner could use against you.
4. Avoid going to a bar where the abuser may be drinking. This is very
dangerous.
5. If the abuser goes to get a weapon or is near one; get out right away.
6. Long experience has taught that batterers tend to escalate each time
they attack. In the long run, the best way to protect yourself is to leave
the relationship.
Lethality factors are used by law enforcement, prosecutors, domestic violence
advocates and other professionals as a tool for determining the level
of danger in a domestic violence situation. The more lethality factors
that are present, the more dangerous the domestic violence may become.
When considering your safety, take the following lethality factors into
account:
•Jealousy/possessiveness
•Depression
•Repeated intervention by law enforcement
•Escalation of risk taking
•Threats to harm or kill or has killed an animal
•Threats or fantasies of homicide or suicide
•Possession of weapons
•Victim is leaving or has left the relationship
•History of aggressive behavior
•Hostage taking/prevents her and/or children from leaving
•Drug/alcohol use or abuse
•Violence in his family of origin
•Strangulation
•Escalation of violence
•Change in the method and/or frequency of the abuse
This list is only intended as a tool to help gauge the severity of a situation
from the view of a person outside of the relationship. It is not intended
to replace the inherent instincts of a victim. If you feel your safety
is in danger due to domestic violence even with only one or two of these
factors being present in your relationship, please seek help. The Harbor
House crisis line (Alger County: 1-800-455-6611 or 906-387-4554; Marquette
County 906-226-6611) is available 24hrs a day, 7 days a week.
If you are in immediate danger contact 911 for police assistance.
